I am in a season of my life where I am being tested to the highest degree. Don’t get me wrong – I am all for tests as they help sharpen our walk with Christ but when the tests seem to happen in all aspects of your life and all at the same time, it becomes difficult to see an ounce of light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve experienced little spurts of growing pains from the different changes in my life from the past year but within the last month I have become almost too aware of the effects of these changes and it’s overwhelming. From getting married, moving to a new state, being unemployed, starting my first full-time position, learning my new role as a wife, planning my wedding, and family, it feels like I can’t catch a break.
A few weeks went by where I felt emotionally all over the place and confused as to what was really going on with me. I was over analyzing myself and suggesting things that could be wrong with me that caused these things to happen in my life. My emotions were displaced and I withdrew myself a lot. It was only up until a few days ago when I realized I am knee deep in a storm and didn’t even know it.
It’s interesting how just a few weeks back I confessed to God that I have a serious issue with control and need work in that area and then BOOM! – I get hit with the biggest storm of my life. Some would say it is irony or even coincidental but it’s neither. This was very much apart of God’s plan the entire time. Here I was naively thinking that my confession was the last of my problems with control but then how can God (or myself) know that my change is real without going through a series of tests?
These storms hurt because there is still parts of our flesh that we want to hold onto. Although I confessed that I battle with control, apart of me still seeks control in certain areas of my life. Sometimes our submission to Christ is conditional: God I submit to you in all areas of my life unless I think of a better way of handling it. Our submission isn’t always constant but dependent upon how “bad” a situation is. I’ll admit that I am guilty of this and it makes clear sense to me as to why I am in this storm now. God is literally doing everything for my good (Romans 8:28). He’s correcting me through this storm and it is wise for me to accept this correction as I would only be hurting myself if I choose to do otherwise (Proverbs 15:32).
If you are finding yourself in a storm like me, please know that your situation is not unique nor a mistake, but rather very purposeful (1 Peter 4:12-13). Going through this becomes easier as we learn more about how much God loves us as well as the lengths He has and will continue to go for us. There are blessings He is preparing us for and therefore we have to go through this to get us ready. We need to continue to pray, cry out onto Him, fast, soak up his word, and most importantly, BE PATIENT. He brought us to it and He will surely get us through it.
“There is nothing that God cannot do.” – Luke 1:37